Page 74

Epilogue

Carrie Beckett Blake

It is just passed eight pm and the sky is a purple glow from the last possible light from the sun. I am sitting beside Noah who is now awake and free of tubes and oxygen. I watch the morphine IV like it is going to kill me for knowing that it is and will always be his weakness.

I want to tear it from his arm and hold him through the pain. I know this isn’t the humane way considering I understand the pain from a torn organ. Add to that his lung pain and the various wounds caused by his surgeries and I can admit to myself that he needs it.

But his needing it and his having it in this state of mind terrifies me.

He hasn’t spoken a word since waking up with Shame and the guys earlier. Cassa told me what Shame said right before they left for the press conference. I didn’t want to listen to Shamus tell the world that my brother is destroyed.

And he is destroyed.

There is no coming back from this. This is the final straw for Noah. I know it and so does Noah. It is why he wont acknowledge me. I know that right now, all he wants is a high that will make him forget.

But as I sit and think this dark and fucked up shit I see him turn and look at me with sad eyes. Those eyes tell me that I am never alone. I am a mom to Noelle and a wife to Chad, but it will always be his sad eyes that remind me of who I am. This also reminds me of who he is, and Noah cannot be broken.

“Are you okay? Need a drink or maybe some help to the restroom?” I ask and stand to pour him some water.

What I expect from him and what he does next are two completely different things. I expect his brash anger, but he gives me his heart on his sleeve.

“I need you to play trust with me right now sissy.” He says and his voice is grated and low from the rawness of screaming through the tube.

I am baffled by this request because Noah only ever played when I was defiant and needed him to go first. I know why he wants to play and I know the world he needs me to build.

I don’t know if I can do this, but for him, right now I will try. I turn and see Chad at the door and I know he heard Noah’s request. “Hold on a minute babe.” I say and hope he will close the door and not let anyone enter.

He ignores me though and comes in, followed by Cal and Tayla, then Shame and Cassa as well as Uncle Seth and Aunt Lilly. “No we are all going to do this round. This is a family feudround.” He smiles and Noah acknowledges everyone who is here but doesn’t say anything and his eyes fall back on the window.

“So,” I say and start to create the world he wants. “In this world...” I start and choke on a sob. “Cans is here, sitting beside you with your hand in hers... And you wake from this awful nightmare, where she left you...”

The end.