Chapter 58

Dear Lord, I was delusional. I had fuckingissues. I…I didn’t want to be the only one who shed a piece of clothing.

Quickly, I reached underneath my dress and hooked my fingers in the band of my panties, shutting my eyes.If I didn’t look at him when I did it, I was safe.

And then slowly, I pulled them down my legs, discarding the scrunched-up material on the floor. Alex watched. Watched the way I stood at the foot of the bed, still uncertain.

“Um…”

Really, this was too much to ask. Really, this was pushing it, but then—

Of course, Malyshka. I’ll do anything you ask.

“Can you take your shirt off?” Iasked.“I don’t want to be the only one…” I trailed off, but Alex didn’t even hesitate.

The T-shirt flew over his head in one swift motion, and there he was, nowhalf-nakedon my bed. My gaze roamed his naked chest, like I’d never seen a man in my existence. It was dim and I couldn’t see any details, but one thing was clear—Alex had damn muscle. It didn’t really look like that while he was wearing T-shirts and hoodies, but his shoulders were defined. His abs too. His skin was smooth, the tattoos bleeding onto his shoulders and down his arms, making me wonder—

“Like this?” he asked, and I shot my gaze to his eyes, interrupting the runaway thoughts once more.

I nodded, and Alex spread his legs, making space for me.

To lean on him.

I forced my legs to move. Like a baby deer, I stumbled to the side of the bed and climbed on, having no idea where to look because he was so close.

He held out his hand, ready to help me get comfortable. “I'm here for you, Jade." Dear fuck, he was going to make me cry with how eager he was to please.

I squeezed my eyes shut and twisted on the bed, settling between his legs and sinking back into him with a sigh.

He was so strong. He was so soft. He was so fucking gentle and understanding. We sat in the darkness, touching, but also not. Admitting it all, but also not. Doing things, but also…not.

And that was the important part—that we weren’treallydoing anything—Alex certainly wasn’t. And with that thought, I took a deep breath in and out, chasing away all the rotten anxiety.

Your own hand is the master. You have all the power. You decide what you want.

“Are you comfortable, Jade?” he asked, keeping his voice low.

“Yes.”

This man obliterated all my previous assumptions about right and wrong. He dismantled paradigms and reorganized my moral code. He ripped me away from my dark reality and forcefully showed me how simple and calm life could be.

And I drowned in his scent. Cigarettes, cologne, and something else. Something justhim.Dark and quiet. Warm and safe.

“I want you to…” Alex began, kickstarting my heartbeat.

This was it.

I was doing this.

With him.

“I want you to think about…which part feels the most need right now.” I swallowed hard, scanning my body for any tension. All of it—I was all tense, and he noticed. “We’ll do this only if you want to, Jade. There’s no pressure. No expectations.”

No pressure.

I didn’t want pressure; he was right. I wanted light, easy, fun. Iwaslight, easy, and fun deep down, I knew I was. Imusthave been at some point!

I took a deep breath in and so did he. And then one more. “I want to do this,” I whispered, the fear slowly floating away with my words. “I want to do thiswith you.”

My fingers reached for my neck and I paused, noticing how that felt. Good. It didn’t feel unpleasant, or violating, or like I wanted to stop. I dragged my hand down my chest and pulled down the neckline of my dress.