Page 24

I nodded.

“Thank you, Officer.” Arthur took the opportunity to end the conversation. He pushed the heavy front door closed.

“There’s food in the kitchen,” he said to me. “Your mother and Mr. Sinclair are out. Brody and Cal are here, somewhere. I can call them if you’d like.”

“No, not necessary,” I blurted. “I’m going out, too. I’ve got a shift at the library and then I’m going to a friend’s place.”

“You work?” Arthur sounded as surprised as if I’d said I was about to fly to the moon.

I just nodded.

“Very good, Miss Selena.”

“It’s just Selena.”

Arthur didn’t repeat it

Suddenly, I wanted to be anywhere but at this house, with its rules and structure and needing permission for every little thing.

“I’ll see you later,” I said to Arthur and ran upstairs, texting Winter on the way that I would come over later.

She’d tried to give me a key to her apartment a hundred times. I’d always refused. It was too dangerous. Anyone could end up with it. I didn’t trust myself to keep anything safe. Now, I wished I had a refuge to go to that wasn’t this house and the disturbing people who lived in it.

In the bathroom, I locked both doors and took a long, scalding-hot shower. I loved to stand under the hot water until I could hardly bear it. I loved the way it felt against my skin, like it was remaking my flesh instead of just cleaning it. I got out to a red reflection. The mirror wasn’t even fogged up. That fancy kind of technology that kept the mirror too warm for steam to form.

I brushed my teeth and watched my reflection. Now, without my outfits and ratty hair and makeup, I looked as close to the old version of myself as I ever did. But even then, I could hardly recognize her. It wasn’t just the clothes and demeanor that had changed; it was something more fundamental. It was in the eyes. What did Brody Sinclair think when he saw me? Did he see the damage? Did he know how deep it went?

He was gorgeous, I could admit that, even if he was the most annoying person I’d ever interacted with. Wasn’t he scared to be that beautiful?

No. He was rich and powerful. A man. He had nothing to be afraid of.

My phone chimed. It was Winter, getting excited about the party and trying to get me excited, too.

The nerves I always felt in my belly simmered at the thought of the loud, packed frat house. Of people drinking and lowering their inhibitions. Hands that grabbed you when you walked, emboldened strangers seeing what they could get away with.

But what was the alternative?

The house was as quiet as a tomb, beyond the drip of the shower. Could I stay here all afternoon and evening? In the silence?

Nope. Silence was where the memories came. I wasn’t strong enough for silence.

I opened the well-stocked vanity unit under the sink and reached for the bottle I’d seen when I’d snooped around earlier. My mother had thoughtfully stocked the bathroom with anything that I might need, or more likely, gotten a staff member to do it.

I pulled out the bright, cheery red bottle I’d clocked and pushed down hard on the top to break the kid’s seal.

I’d distract myself while working, then go to Winter’s and then the party. I would fill another long day with people and voices and drinks after nine p.m.

For now, though, I just needed a little something to take the edge off.

I brought the cough syrup to my lips and took a long pull.

The party was at the Pi Zeta Chi house and had already spilled out onto the street when we arrived. With me safely cocooned within the group of Winter, her boyfriend, Asher, and another Ice God, Marcus, no one dared speak to us as we walked in.

“I’m going to go and get us drinks. It’s so warm in here,” I shouted in Winter’s ear as soon as we were inside.

She nodded, watching me with her beautiful dark-blue eyes that saw too damn much.

“What?” I asked.