Page 4
Chapter 4 of "Facing Leeward" opens presenting twists: I know Shiloh got quite a bit of criticism when he hired me. Even I... Keep following!
I know Shiloh got quite a bit of criticism when he hired me. Even I was surprised that he took the chance, having fully talked myself into the likelihood that heād turn me down when I asked. I wasnāt born into a fishing family like he was. I didnāt grow up on the sea. My family is a trade family, though, and although I grew up learning carpentry and mechanics and plumbing, I longed for what some of the other boys had. I wanted to be on the boats. I wanted to work out in the open air, not squeezing into crawl spaces looking for pests, or kneeling in bathrooms to fix plumbing. Iāve always known a trade was in my future, but as everyone whoās ever desired anything can attest to, I wanted the one I couldnāt have.
I know I could have been happy with the life I hadāworking side by side with my father until the time came to take over. And I probably would have been, had I not been down at the wharf that day and come across Shiloh. Iād seen him there, the lobster boats rocking gently in the water, the smell of fish and ocean and fresh air invading my senses. The gulls had been loud, swooping overhead and making a nuisance of themselves the way they always do. I hadnāt felt fully in control of my own movements as Iād approached, footfalls loud on the wooden planking. I remember hoping he wouldnāt remember who I was and that I wouldnāt stutter and remind him.
āHey, Nils,ā Shiloh had greeted me the moment I was near enough to his boat for him not to need to shout. Iād almost turned around right then. Of course he remembered me. Hard to forget the big, stuttering idiot you went to school with. Hard to forgetthe only person in my class who didnāt finish or graduate from high school. Iād wanted to abandon my half-baked plan, but Iād stayed, because Iād never known Shiloh to be a bully, and right then, heād sounded so unbearably sad. Even if he turned me down for the job, I felt very acutely that he needed company anyway.
āHe-e-e-e-e-ey,ā Iād stuttered back, body hot with shame.
I could feel it there in my throatāthe stress of talking that always made the stutter worseāa tight ball of anxiety that only got bigger and bigger the harder I tried to swallow it. I wanted to walk away so badly, to wire my own jaw closed and give up on the only dream Iād ever allowed myself to have. Shiloh, kneeling next to one of the lobster tanks and staring up at me with patient, sad blue eyes, had waited. People never waited for me to talk. Even my own family would eventually lose patience and start filling in the blanks. It bothered me, but I didnāt blame them. I hated listening to myself, too.
But Shiloh waited. He didnāt fidget or roll his eyes or go back to whatever heād been working on. He sat there and watched as I forcefully tugged words from my throat, painful and halting.
āN-n-n-n-e-e-e-d he-he-he-help?ā
Do you need help on the boat? Are you hiring? Can I interview for the job?Iād added on desperately in my mind, hating myself for being physically unable to say any of it out loud. I really didnāt know Shiloh well; the few times weād interacted had been quick and unmemorable, and I remember standing there worried about what kind of man he was. There were only two kinds of boys I grew up withāthe ones who kept to themselvesand the ones who went out of their way to make my life harder. Shiloh had been one of the former as a teenager, but that didnāt mean he was still that way as a man.
Standing, heād moved closer to where I was waiting on the dock. His hands were streaked with grease, dirty in a way that was familiar enough to me to ease some of the tension in my shoulders. Both working men, even though Shiloh at least had a high school diploma under his belt. That slip of paper felt like a chasm between us just thenāproof in writing of how much better than me he was.
āDad wants to retire soon,ā heād told me, and back then, Iād thought maybe that was why he sounded so bummed out. āHis hip is bad, you know?ā
I did know, but only because my mom told me, and she knew from her hairdresser. Iād nodded. Unlike seemingly everyone else in the world, I was very good at waiting for people to finish speaking without interrupting them. Patience was never a struggle for me.
āSo, yeah, I could use some help.ā A pause, and then, a little more shyly, āBut I donāt know how much we can pay youā¦ā
āI donāt need much,ā Iād said, shocking myself back into silence with how smooth and stutter-less the sentence was. It was true, too. I could live on practically nothing. What I wanted in that momentāmore than money or anything elseāwas to work on a boat.Thisboat. I wanted a chance.
āOkay, Iā¦ā Shiloh had blinked, cheeks ruddy from more than just the wind chill. āWell, do youā¦do you want to come out with us tomorrow?ā
āYe-e-e-s,ā Iād agreed, nodding. Yes, I certainly did want to go out with him and his dad tomorrow. Had I ever been on a boat a day in my life before? No. Did I know the first thing about commercial lobster fishing? No. Was I going to be able to say any of that, possibly talking him out of his offer? Definitely not. I nodded again to show my eagerness, and Shiloh smiled.
āOkay, cool. Tomorrow, then. Four?ā
I nodded again. It sounded like he was asking whether that was a good time, not telling me thatās when I needed to be there. Already, Iād been planning to show up at the harbor at three thirty, unwilling to leave anything to chance and not wanting to run the risk of being late. I smiled back to let him know I was excited.
āTha-a-anks,ā I muttered, fast losing steam on this much conversation. I needed a break.
āThatās all right,ā heād replied easily, swiping a dirty palm along the side of his leg, smearing grease down his jeans. āHere, give me your number.ā
Iād taken the proffered phone, tapped in my number, and mumbled my way through an awkward goodbye. That evening, Iād spoken with my father, whoād taken my resignation with a slightly perplexed shake of his head and let me know that there would still be a job available to me next week. He hadnāt expected things to work out with Shiloh. Part of me hadnāt expected it either. Even when Shiloh had texted me later that nightācorrectly assuming that the easiest and most judicious way to communicate with me was through writingāIād still sat and waited for him to carefully take back his offer of a job. Iādlain awake that night, wondering if Shiloh had even realized Iād been asking for one, since itās not as though Iād been able to say the actual words.
My first day working on theDrifterhad been exhausting and exhilarating in equal measure. Iād talked more than Iād ever talked in my life, learned new skills and new ways to utilize skills I already had. I didnāt know it then, but Iād gotten two things that day that Iād never had before: a job Iād always wanted and a friend.
Now, I look over at the man who gave me a chance when not a single person in Sirenās Point would have. I like to think I pull more than my fair share of the weight around here, but even still, Iām certain I get more from this than he does. I love this job. I love cleaning the barnacles off the lobsters and smelling like dead fish and listening to the wind swing Oliverās voice around. Shiloh catches me watching him and nods a goodbye as he heads toward his truck, eager to get home to Ewan. I look back at my hands, stowing my things in the back of the truck.
āHow are Tutu and the gang?ā Oliver asks, pausing beside me on the way to his own vehicle, shoulder bumping against mine and eyes bright against the winter sky.
āGood.ā
Theyāre in the coop, safe and warm, and will be the first thing I check once I get home. Oliver grins like he can read that from my one-word answer. Maybe he can, since he never does seem to have trouble understanding me.
āWhat do you feed them? I was reading up on keeping chickens, and there are all sorts of different options available.Itās wild how fancy pet food is these days, right? One of my cousins buys this raw dog food that can only be refrigerated for a week before it goes bad. He spends so much money on it. I think the dog eats better than he does.ā
I listen as he continues to talk. Every now and then, he glances over at me and pauses as though heās trying to decide whether or not Iām sick of him yet. His first few months on the boat, he was constantly doing the same thing. Like a temperature check on Shiloh and me, making sure we werenāt annoyed. Funnily enough, it was never the singing, humming, or constant chatter that bothered me. Rather, it was the way he kept worrying about it. It makes me wonder who had complained enough about him that he felt like his personality needed a warning label. Even still, after all this time, he watches the pair of us with slightly cautious blue-green eyes, like heās waiting for the day we finally snap at him. I want to tell him that itāll never happen. If Shiloh can stand my stuttering, nothing will annoy him.
And truly, nothing about Oliver does bother me. I like the way he talks. I like that he seems to enjoy talking to me, specifically. Heās always been pleasant company, and for as long as he lets me, Iāll continue to enjoy it. I doubt heāll be long for working the boat, though. Not when heās so smart and talented. Sure, he might not know the difference between a wrench and a screwdriver, but he can cook like a dream, and his thirst for knowledge seems pretty much unquenchable. He has an incredible memory, not to mention the creativity needed to create recipes from scratch. Which I know he does, because heāll tell us when boat lunch is one of such concoctions. Theyāvenever once been bad.
No, Oliver is well and truly above the rest of us and far too good to be getting his hands dirty in work like this. I want to ask him why he does work here, but itās not just the stutter that stops me. Itās none of my business why he wants to haul lobsters. A lot of people questioned why I wanted to do the same thing, so itās not as though I have a leg to stand on. Maybe, like me, he enjoys working in the open air with sea spray in his face. What more reason could someone need?
āWant to meet them?ā I ask carefully, chest a little tight with nerves from having to speak a sentence I didnāt practice. Oliver pauses for breath. Heās still talking about the fancy-pet-food phenomenon. I hadnāt even known there was one.