Page 31

How do you go from being with your soulmate to just being with any other hot guy you meet at a bar?

You don’t.

He saw Trevor panic at that first show. But he also saw him recover, totally enchanting the crowd by the end of it. It made Skyler so happy and proud.

So maybe him going to the concert didn’t only have to do with his obsessive desire to see Trevor in person one more time. Maybe he also needed to assure himself that Trevor would be okay. That he hadn’t completely fucked up Trevor’s life by destroying the band right along with their relationship.

And he’dthoughtTrevor was doing great. But when the critics didn’t love his album and he didn’t make another one, then basically disappeared from the face of the Earth, Skyler didn’t know what to think.

Now to hear Trevor say how much he missed being in the band, it makes Skyler feel guilty all over again.

They resort to small talk for the rest of their dinner, even reaching so far as to mention the wildfires that have been burning closer. (Yeah. They talk about the weather.) And then after dessert, Skyler suggests they both go for a swim. He expects Trevor to decline, say he’s ready to head home. But amazingly, he says he’s up for it, so they both head to separate bathrooms to get changed.

Seeing Trevor in his swim trunks—inSkyler’sswim trunks—up close is even worse than seeing it from the window. But Skyler did this to himself, of course, because he’s clearly some kind of a masochist.

And seeing so much of Trevor’s body—the muscles and tattoos and the water dripping down it—without being able to touch it is the worst freaking torture.

It’s a bit awkward at first as they sort of swim circles around each other. But eventually they end up sitting side by side on the ledge, and the quiet isn’t bad at all. It’s nice to have someone who Skyler can sit with and justbe. He’s constantly surrounded by people in his professional life, but people are rarely with him for no purpose other than to simply spend time with him.

Guilt still nags at him, though, so he breaks the peaceful silence to say, “I’m sorry for fucking everything up for everyone. You wouldn’t have had to go solo if it wasn’t for me.”

Trevor doesn’t respond for a minute, but then—“It wasn’t only your fault. And being in the band was great, but I think we can see now how it wasn’t exactly the healthiest environment for any of us. We were too young to be dealing with all that crap.”

“That might be true,” he agrees, “but you didn’t want it to end so soon, and especially not that way. I know Noah sure didn’t.”

“Who gives a shit about Noah? He named his first albumSolo. He’s a douche.”

Skyler laughs, even though it’s not entirely funny. “You don’t mean that. We all cared about each other. And I ruined it for everyone.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Trevor says again.

He makes a noncommittal noise. Because itwashis fault.

He’s the one who couldn’t control his jealousy. The one who wanted too much from Trevor. Who let the wanting destroy him. He’s the one who went onstage at the Grammys so drunk he could barely stand.

Yet somehow, he’s the one out of the five of them who came out of it more successful than ever.

And despite receiving Jermaine and Oli’s assurances of forgiveness, he can’t blame Trevor for not talking to him for the last five years.

“Hey.” Trevor interrupts his thoughts, placing a hand over his on the ledge. “Get out of your head, please.”

Their hands are touching underneath the cool temperature of the pool water, but Skyler’s skin is somehow on fire. Trevor squeezes and Skyler’s heart stops for a second before Trevor takes his hand away.

“We both made mistakes,” Trevor says.

Skyler appreciates how kind he’s being, but losing Trevor wasn’t a mistake. It was the worst thing that ever happened to him in his entire life.

When the sun goes down and their skin starts to prune, Trevor says he should get going, and Skyler wants to stop him. Wants to beg him to stay another hour, stay the night, stay the weekend, stay forever.

But instead, he follows Trevor’s lead, climbing out of the pool and drying off. He tries not to let his eyes stray to Trevor’s calf muscles as he wipes downhis legs, because Skyler’s tight swim shorts arenotgoing to hide it if his body reacts.

He offers to ride with Trevor back down to the gate, but Trevor insists he can go alone, so he explains how to open it and stands at the front door to say goodbye.

“Thank you for all this,” Trevor says. “Honestly, I spend most of my time with Stella these days, so it was nice to get out of the house for a change.”

“Then we should do it again,” Skyler blurts out too quickly to sound casual.

Trevor looks a bit taken aback by his obvious eagerness, but then he gives a tiny nod. “Okay.”