Page 77
Chapter 77 of "Maybe We Can Find It" opens with: āHe works with Oliver Ryan!ā Davis exclaims triumphantly, the way someone might announce that theyāve... See what unfolds next!
āHe works with Oliver Ryan!ā Davis exclaims triumphantly, the way someone might announce that theyāve won the lottery.
And okay, I know whothatis. Obviously. Heās currently one of the hottest actors in Hollywood. After spending his teens and early twenties working on family sitcoms, last year he had a breakout performance as the lead in a romantic drama that was based off a best-selling book. And now his newest movie is premiering at the end of next month, if I remember correctly.
It takes me a moment to figure out where my manager is going with this, and then my stomach sours.
āDavis...ā I start nervously.
āItās perfect!ā he says. āOliverās agreed to engage in a PR relationship with you, which will coincide with his movie premiere. Itāll bring buzz to the movie and distract from your scandals.ā
āI donāt know.ā
He makes a loud huffing sound. āRiley, I assure you this is the best path for you to move forward. Weāll fly him to Nashville and have the two of you photographed around the city so that people will see youāre back, and theyāll immediately start speculating on whether the two of you are together. Then youāll go to L.A. with him and go on a few obvious dates, then attend the premiere as his girlfriend. Once the movie has left theaters, we can consider fading things out, or we could keep the relationship going if it works for both of you. Either way, by the time you start promoting your next album, everyone will have forgotten all about you and Skyler, and more importantly, about that photo and the questions of your sexuality.ā
It occurs to me that during everything thatās gone down, my manager never once actuallyasked meabout my sexuality. And Iām not sure if thatās because the idea that I might be anything other than straight is ludicrous to him, or if it simply doesnāt matter to him one way or the other.
As far as heās concerned, Riley Rowland, Americaās Country Sweetheart, is straight. And she will continue to date lots of men, break up with them, and then write sad and sassy breakup songs about them.
Thatās the path my career has taken from the start, and I donāt think Davis is willing to imagine any deviations from that path. Despite how I might feel or what I might want.
āI need to think about it,ā I tell him. Although my gut is screaming at me not to do this, I should at least consider my managerās advice.
āRiley. Hon. Trust me that I know what Iām doing here.ā
I sigh. āI trust you, but...āBut I also need to start trusting myself.āBut Iām getting tired of PR stunts. And you saw how everyone reacted when the truth came out about the stunt with me and Skyler. If I want my fans to forgive me, I canāt keep lying to them.ā
āItās not alie, per se,ā he says. āCome home and meet the guy. Heās hot, youāre hot. Who knows, you might really hit it off.ā
No, we wonāt. Because Iām already falling for someone else.
For a moment, I almost tell him the truth. The main reason I want to stay where I am for a while longer. As long as possible, really. But ultimately, I chicken out. If heās going to react badly, Iām not ready to hear it.
āI want more time here,ā I say, settling on part of the truth. āIāll think about the Oliver thing, but in the meantime, Iām not ready to jump on a plane. This break has been good for me. Iāve been writing andāā
āExcellent!ā Davis cuts me off. āThatās all the more reason to get back here and work with the producers to start recording tracks.ā
āNot yet,ā I try again. āJust give me a little more time.ā
Hopefully enough time to figure out my own plan. A plan that doesnāt make me feel like a shitty person.
Maybe even enough time to make a generous, cool, sexy woman fall in love with me?
Davis lets out a long sigh like heās in physical pain. Then he says, āFine. We can hold off on Oliver Ryan for right now. But if youāre going to do itāand Iāmstronglysuggesting that you doāwe canāt wait too long. Because his team will have no problem finding someone else whoās more than willing to date him for the publicity.ā
Iām sure thatās true.
āI told you Iāll think about it.ā
āYes. Well,ā he says. āThink quickly, hon. Iāll call you in a few days.ā
I want to argue that a few days is much less than the amount of time Iām asking for, but he hangs up on me without even a proper goodbye.
Think quickly, he said.
The problem is, I donātwantto think about fake dating Oliver Ryan. I donāt care how hot or popular he is. I donāt care if it might be the right career move. Iām sick of making movesāor more accurately, having people make movesforme. I just want to live my life and do whatever makes me happy.
Making music has always made me happy. But a lot of the stuff that comes with it, not so much. I donāt like faking relationships. I donāt likeworrying about optics. I donāt like the way my personal life has become an easy joke for jerks who have nothing better to do than go online and trash people they donāt even know.
And I also donāt really like the grueling tour schedules anymore. It was exciting when I was first becoming famous, and I got to see the world, and everything was new to me.