Page 112
Chapter 112 of "Our Pretty Darling Psycho" kicks off with: âYou two clearly know each other,â I say, glancing between them, because the ease in... Continue reading!
âYou two clearly know each other,â I say, glancing between them, because the ease in the air has a history baked into it that a single introduction canât explain.
âWe go back,â the owner agrees, and thereâs a wicked little curl to it. âOh, you didnât tell her?â
âIt hasnât come up,â Lucien says, in the flat tone of a man hoping a subject will have the decency to die where it stands.
It does not have the decency to die. The ownerâs grin becomes the grin of a man about to enjoy himself enormously. âHasnât come up. He says, about the years we spent on the same circuit.â He turns to me, conspiratorial, savoring it. âYour doctor here, sweetheartâbefore the degrees, before the bestsellers with his name embossed on the cover, before he had a single letter after his nameâyour doctor was one of the finest pole and aerial performers I ever shared a stage with.â
The studio goes very quiet, or maybe thatâs just the roaring in my ears.
âWhat,â I say.
And here is the thing that guts me, the thing that genuinely robs me of speech:I didnât know.
I, who researched this man down to the marrow. I, who pulled every paper he ever published, read his books cover to cover twice, traced his credentials and his history and the shape of his career until I was certain I understood the architecture of Lucien better than he understood it himself.
I am the woman who knows things.
It is my entire stock in trade, the thing that kept me alive when nothing else couldâand somehow, in all that excavation, I never found this.
He buried it that thoroughly.
He scrubbed a whole life clean from the record.
âYou performed,â I breathe, rounding on him. âProfessionally. Youâthe suits, the fountain pen, the locked notebook, the man who feels nothing on purposeâyou flew.â
The mastermind in me is scrambling to re-draw the entire map of him, because this single fact rewrites everything.
The control I read as innate is discipline forged on a stage where one missed grip means the floor. The way he watches me move through a room, clocking my balance and my weight and the mechanics of my bodyâIâd filed it as a clinicianâs habit, the doctor assessing the patient. It was never that.
It was a performer recognizing a performer. He has been reading me like an audience reads a routine this whole time, knowing exactly what it costs to make difficulty look like ease, and I never once caught it because I was too busy being certain Iâd already solved him.
The arrogance of it makes me want to laugh. I, who pride myself on missing nothing, missed the entire foundation the man was built on. He didnât just hide a hobby. He hid a selfâthe original self, the one all the others were poured overâand hehid it from the one person alive who might have recognized it on sight.
Lucien removes his glasses.
Slowly.
Cleans them on the hem of his shirt in a gesture Iâve come to recognize as his version of bracing, and when he answers his voice is quieter than Iâve ever heard it, stripped of its clinical armor.
âIt funded everything,â he says. âThe degrees. The psychiatry. The years of studying the architecture of the human mind so I could become what I am now. The respectable career was built entirely on the back of the one the respectable world sneered at. Every credential I own, every paper, every letter after my nameâpaid for, dollar by dollar, by a body that knew how to defy gravity for an audience that paid to watch.â He slides the glasses back on, and something flickers behind them, old and complicated. âSo no. It hasnât come up.â
âOh, come on,â the owner says, pushing off the desk. âSheâs a devotee, Lucien. You canât drop that on the girl and then stand there in your nice trousers like a tax accountant. Show her. One sequence. For old timesâ sake, and for the prettiest fan youâre ever going to get.â
âNo.â
âLucien.â
âIâm not dressed for it. Itâs been years. Iâll tear something and youâll enjoy it.â
âYouâll be insufferable about how you havenât lost it,â the owner counters. âWhich you havenât. I can see it in how youâre standing. Muscle memory doesnât forget a first language.â
I say nothing.
I just look at himâDoc, my Doc, the immovable planner, the man who has spent every moment of our acquaintance behinda wall of glass and clinical distanceâand I let him see, plainly, how much I want this.
Whatever he reads in my face does what no amount of cajoling could, because he exhales through his nose, mutters something that sounds like a curse against his own better judgment, and begins, with grim resignation, to unbutton his shirt.
He strips down to a fitted base layer, chalks his hands at the bowl by the desk with the unthinking ritual of a man whose body remembers a language his mouth forgot, and crosses to the nearest pole. He grips it.