Page 98
Chapter 98 of "Our Pretty Darling Psycho" starts with thrilling twists: The clock is nearly run down. And the silence of itāthe gentle, golden, uneventful silence... Continue the story!
The clock is nearly run down. And the silence of itāthe gentle, golden, uneventful silence of a fortnight in paradiseādoesnāt soothe me. It coils. Itās the held breath before the orchestra crashes back in, the long flat note before the drop.
Somewhere out past the mossy arches, my husband is letting the deadline ripen, and I have spent enough of my life around men who plan to know that the quiet ones are never quiet because theyāve given up. Theyāre quiet because theyāre aiming.
That, I suspect, is the real reason I canāt sleep.
Not the bodyās restlessness, though itās thereāthe low unbonded ache that creeps through an Omegaās system in the dark, the heat that makes me reach for someone before Iām awake enough to choose it.
Riot has learned the scent of that need the way a wolf learns a wounded thing, and most nights heās in my bed before Iāve finished wanting him there, all woodsmoke and warm iron and quiet competence, soothing the edge off me with his hands and his weight and the low rumble of his voice until my body stops keening.
The ache isnāt what kept me up tonight.
Tonight itās the other thing, the strategistās thing, the part of me that never fully sleeps and is currently pacing the cage of my skull whispering that two weeks is up, that the board is set, that somewhere a man who once called me his diamond is finally tired of waiting to collect.
It hasnāt been idle, the fortnight.
Thatās the strange and disorienting part.
I started pole classes, which has forced me into the company of other Omegas for the first time in yearsāand which has done something to me I wasnāt braced for. I donāt have to perform the lunatic there. I donāt have to be Vex, all teeth and glitter and calculated mayhem, keeping a room off balance so it never gets close enough to read me.
I can just⦠be.
Normal, or something adjacent to it. Controlled, which feels foreign on my own skin, like a coat tailored for a woman I havenāt met. The other girls have started to recognize the shape of their own stories in mineāthe marriages that became cages, the men who became sentences, the violence that was only ever self-defense wearing the wrong paperworkāand thereās an ease in that recognition. For once Iām not the oddest thing in the room.
Iām just another woman who survived more than she should have had to, learning to spin in the light.
Thereās a peculiar grief in it, too, that I didnāt expect.
Because the pole was never recreation for me, once.
It was the auction block my husband left me on when he decided I was worth nothing, the stage where I learned to turn my own body into currency because no one would let me earn a living any other way. I climbed it the first time in despair and came down a little more broken each night.
Now here it is again, the same cold steel, the same muscles screaming the same wayāexcept the room is full of women who understand, and no one is buying, and the only eyes on me belong to a pack that watches me dance the way youād watch a wildfire you were rooting for. Same apparatus.
Opposite world.
I didnāt know you could reclaim a thing that had been used against you.
Iām learning that you can, one revolution at a time.
And I started the blades.
Self-defense three nights a week, daggers my chosen instrument, and the steel has handed me back a version of empowerment Iād forgotten the taste ofāthe specific, spine-straightening certainty of being armed and competent in my own body. Itās also revealed one more thread Silas and I share, because the man adores bladework, swords and daggers and anything with an edge and an intimacy to it, and heās taken to training me himself in the hours outside the formal classes, whenever Iām restless enough to want it.
Our instructor is an Omega who used to be army, all clipped competence and old scars, and she commutesāback and forth from this town to the island off the northern shore, the one where the pack-less Omegas are kept apart, because this pretty valley is, beneath its charm, fiercely āAlpha-approvedā territory.
Barney told me, last week, in the orange glow of his forge, that the rules werenāt their choosingāthat the whole old-fashioned baloney of Alpha authorizations and segregated sectors came down from on high.
The man who owns this place is old-school to his marrow, but he built it, in his backwards way, to empower and protect the bold onesāthe Omegas reckless enough to claw out of captivityāwith bargain clemencies and a walled little world where they might flourish back into a society that would otherwise execute them on sight. Better that, he reasoned, than sending a woman home to be slain as a criminal for the crime of killing the man who was killing her by inches.
I understood it.
I always understand the architecture of a cage; itās the one subject Iāve never needed a tutor for. I know this one is temporary, a borrowed shelter on the way to somewhere unmonitored.
Yet, it left a splinter in me I havenāt been able to work loose, lying awake tonight:what about the ones who donāt get a way out?
The girls with no doctor consolidating their accounts, no killer warming their sheets, no undertaker stitching them a dress in colors that mean defiance. The ones still inside the ruins, with no trinity of obsessions to burn the world down on their behalf.
Do they ever find their salvation?