Chapter 50.1

Gravel crunched and scattered under Amara’s feet as she landed on the roof of Vee’s apartment. Her wings felt unusually sore for how little she’d flown, but given just how much angelic energy she’d fought through to reach Vee, it made sense. Even now, just holding her close made Amara buzz, their conflicting auras all the more noticeable after such an intense show of power from the angel.Looking at Vee, Amara’s heart melted all over again. She leaned forward for another kiss before releasing Vee from her grasp, sighing as she watched Vee hop back and forth to find her balance.

Vee tapped her feet, subtly adjusting her shoes, before looking up and catching Amara’s gaze. “Everything okay?” she asked.

“Y-yeah, I just… you’re beautiful,” Amara said, blushing furiously.

With a quiet laugh and an adorable smile, Vee did the same. “That’s… wow. I’m still a little shocked that we— I mean, I’ve been wondering for a while if you felt the same way I did, and—”

“Wait, seriously?” Amara asked, stepping nearer. She pulled Vee close, gently rubbing the sides of her arms.

“Well, it hasn’t been long. At least, I don’t think so? For all I know, it’s been building for a while and I only figured it out when you took me flying the other day, but then there was so much happening with Tessa’s Coven, and I didn’t know if—”

Amara kissed Vee, cutting off her nervous rambling and causing her to melt into Amara’s embrace for a moment.

“Hey,” Amara whispered between kisses. “We’ll have time for everything soon. As wrong as I was to try and take matters into my own hands, we still need to stop Davenport.”

Vee hugged Amara tightly, briefly burying her face into her shoulder before nodding. “Yeah, you’re right. Do you want to text everyone, or should I?”

“I, uh, don’t have my phone on me,” Amara said sheepishly. “I’ve been keeping it on the roof of Lysander Hall to keep it safe.”

“Right, I suppose keeping it with you would’ve been bad. I’ll reach out to everyone, see where they are and where we can meet them.” Vee took a deep breath as she stepped away, pulling out her phone. “What should I tell them about, y’know… us? You?”

Pausing for a moment, Amara absentmindedly wandered around the roof while staring at the gravel. “Maybe keep it simple? I’m not going to ask you to apologize on my behalf. As for us… shit, I don’t know. How about we just focus on the problem for now? I don’t want to say anything until we’ve had the chance to actually figure out what we want this to be. N-not that I think we want different things, or whatever, but, y’know, we should probably just save all that stuff for later.”

“That’s probably for the best,” Vee said, starting to type. “For the record, I would love it if we—no, you’re right, one thing at a time.”

With her thought finished, Amara stopped wandering and looked up again. From their current vantage point, she wasn’t able to see the quad, but it was impossible not to notice the unnaturally black storm clouds that hung low over the center of campus. Underneath them, a sinister red glow clung to the field, sparks occasionally drifting up into Amara’s vision.

She tried to think back to her fight with Davenport, but found it difficult. It had only been a few minutes, but the memories felt like they were buried beneath a haze of putrid rage and a bone-deep thirst for blood.

The thought of killing Davenport had been all-consuming. Nothing else had mattered: not her friends, not herself.

Just the violence.

A hand touched her back, pulling her thoughts back to the present. “Hey. You doing alright?” Vee asked cautiously, stepping next to her.

Amara swallowed nervously, forcing herself to nod.

Tears welled in her eyes. She turned to look at Vee, who’d nearly sacrificed everything just to give her a chance at redemption, and broke down. She wrapped her arms around Vee, hugging her tight as she wept into her shoulder. Vee returned the gesture, gently rubbing her back as Amara vented all her frustration with herself.

The pain, the sorrow, the anger, the guilt, it all came out. Unable to process the flood of emotions, she let the memories of her actions wash over her. Flashes of all the harm she’d caused, the terror she’d instilled, and for what? To turn herself into a monster?

The severity of her actions demanded recompense, and she was no longer strong enough to stand against the weight of what she’d done.

Completely unmoored from the flow of time, Amara had no idea how long it took to pull herself together. Vee’s interference was a miracle, one that had pulled Amara back from the brink of a terrible fate, and the thought of what she might have become haunted her. When the tears finally stopped, and she found the strength to return to the present, she found the two of them had slid down to their knees at some point. She was lying in Vee’s lap, arms wrapped around her waist, the angel’s shirt completely soaked with tears.

Sniffling loudly, Amara looked at Vee, who simply smiled in return. She reached up, pushing Amara’s hair from her face, and gently tucked it behind her ear. “It’s gonna be okay, Amara. I’m here for you. We’ll make it through this together.”

Amara nodded slowly before sitting up. She rubbed her face with her hands, a small burst of hellfire dispelling all traces of her outburst. Placing a hand on Vee’s waist, she looked deep into her brilliant blue eyes and leaned in for another kiss. They shared a soft, tender moment before Amara rested her forehead against Vee’s. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Hey, none of that,” Vee said, her tone gentle but strict. “The more you put yourself down, the more you risk believing that you deserve to give in to those instincts.” She kissed Amara again, carefully hugging her and pulling her closer, before continuing. “Back when we were under Lysander Hall, you said you were already gone. Is that what you really believe? That your soul is damned, and nothing you do matters anymore?”

Cuddling up into Vee’s shoulder, Amara responded, “I mean, it has to be, right? My mom told me that demons are born from Damnation. There’s literally no other way I could be like this.”

Vee paused for a moment, her hands tenderly stroking Amara’s hair. She even found Amara’s horns, gently rubbing them as well as she spoke. “What about your mother? We know for a fact she’s Damned, and yet she’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met. Are you saying that she doesn’t matter either?”

“Never!” Amara said, aghast at the mere thought of it.

“Well, there you go,” Vee said, lightly patting Amara’s cheek in jest. “If she matters, then so do you. So how about you accept that you’re worth saving, and we go trust our friends to do what’s right. Sound like a deal?”

Despite every bone in Amara’s body wanting to repeat her earlier thought, that she didn’t deserve Vee, she forced herself to nod.

“Alright,” Amara said, kissing Vee one last time before standing up. “Where are we meeting everyone?”

“Tessa says she ran into some trouble, and they’re regrouping at her place.”

“Trouble? Is she okay?!” Amara asked, panicked.

“Everyone’s fine, Amara,” Vee said calmly. “Let’s just meet up with them, and we can hear the full story from her directly. Do you want to fly us there?”

Amara looked back at her wings, flexing them a few times to test how much strength still remained. “Maybe not the whole way, but I can definitely get us to the ground.” She held out an arm for Vee, who happily accepted the invitation. The two girls walked to the edge of the roof, held each other close, and Amara stepped off the ledge. Just before hitting the ground, she thrust her wings down to halt their momentum, then released her hold on Vee so they could head out.

They spent most of their walk in silence. At first, Amara was tempted to say something, anything to fill the silence and shake her thoughts loose from all the chaos of the moment, but such aspirations vanished as they passed by the quad.

It looked like it had been bombed in the middle of a firestorm.

Craters, formed from intense explosions, littered the field. Huge swathes of grass were burnt to a crisp, and several trees were missing large chunks of their canopies. Several fires still raged amidst the wreckage, and guilt twisted Amara’s stomach into knots as she took in the full extent of her destructive spiral.

She stopped walking, struck by the horror of the scene in front of her. Flashes of her fight with Davenport returned, but just as the memories started to overwhelm her, she heard Vee step closer. She gripped Amara’s hand, squeezing it tight before leaning in. “Do you want to do anything while we’re here? Something quick?”

“Can I take a moment to put out the remaining fires?” Amara asked. “I’ll only need a sec.”

Nodding in agreement, Vee released Amara’s hand. With a goal firmly in mind, and eager not to waste any more time than was necessary, Amara quickly walked around the quad. Each step brought back flashes of memory, brief moments from her fight with Davenport, and she didn’t bother trying to hide from them. After venting all her grief with Vee earlier, she felt ready to face her prior actions.

The fires around the quad reflected Amara’s grief, and she felt their energy pulse in time with her own as she neared them. Each time she got close, she mentally reached out to connect with the flames and disperse them. Her lap around the quad only took a few minutes, and while she hadn’t fixed anything, she’d at least prevented further damage.

Regrouping with Vee, whose loving smile said more than words ever could, the two continued on.

It didn’t take long to reach Tessa’s apartment. Although Amara got there a few steps ahead of Vee, she couldn’t muster the strength to knock. She had no idea what to say, how to apologize to her closest friends, and the panic briefly overwhelmed her.

Then, for seemingly the thousandth time today, Vee stepped in. She wrapped her hands around Amara’s waist, kissed her cheek, gently whispered into her ear. “I’m with you every step of the way, love. It’s going to suck, and I doubt Tessa is going to pull her punches, but I’m not going anywhere. They care about you deeply, Amara. They don’t want to give up on you, they’re just scared.”

Nodding slowly, and taking a deep, unsteady breath, Amara kissed Vee back. “Can you go first?”

Vee smiled. “Of course.”

Stepping in front of Amara, Vee knocked on Tessa’s front door. In her hands, even such a small action seemed elegant and effortless, and Amara braced herself for what was sure to be one of the most uncomfortable conversations of her life.