Chapter 57.2

Her eyes slowly dimmed, and she felt like she was watching a battery slowly die. Heavy emotions threatened to overwhelm her, choking her up as she berated herself for failing such a simple task. The divinity she’d briefly glimpsed moments earlier soon found itself replaced by tears as she shut her eyes, ashamed to look at herself any further.“Good afternoon, Miss,” a voice said behind her.

Vee flinched in surprise, completely unaware that someone had joined her in the chapel. Her hands left the bowl, and she quickly wiped her eyes with her sleeves before turning around.

“S-sorry, I… didn’t realize you were there,” Vee muttered.

Standing behind her was a short man with thin, gray hair that had completely vanished from the top of his head. He was older, and several lines on his face indicated he spent much of his life smiling, much like he was now. It was a simple smile, one barely existent, but he directed it at Vee like he were greeting an old friend. He wore long, white robes, and a thick red sash sat around his neck before traveling down his torso and legs, nearly reaching both of his shoes.

“My apologies,” he said with a quiet chuckle, “I didn’t mean to scare you. I must admit, I was surprised to find anyone here myself, especially someone your age.”

Vee did her best to smile back, hoping it wouldn’t appear as inauthentic as it felt. “I can’t imagine you get many students here. I only know one other person my age who comes here, though it’s entirely for charity work. She’s never considered herself a religious person.”

“You’re certainly right about that, our congregation is probably ninety percent retirees,” he said, stepping closer to the basin of water. “I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.”

As he stepped closer, Vee briefly averted her eyes, hoping he wouldn’t see how red and puffy they were. “N-no, I was just… allowing myself a moment of prayer. I hadn’t quite finished when you spoke up, hence my surprise.”

The stranger placed his hands on the basin before smiling up at her again. “Oh, how rude of me! If you’d like, we could share a moment in prayer together?”

Vee nodded, then stepped back towards the basin of water and closed her eyes. Despite having prayed tens of thousands of times in her life before now, she failed to think of anything meaningful to say to herself. She knew her Patron wasn’t listening; they’d ignored her all her life. Although, had things changed? Heaven had clearly noticed something, or else they wouldn’t be stripping her of her powers, right?

After a minute of silent back and forth with her thoughts, she heard the soft rustling of fabric as her companion began to move. She opened her eyes just in time to see him dip a finger into the water, then draw the sign of the cross on his forehead. She followed suit, repeating the motion for herself to at least appear she’d been devoutly praying this whole time.

“Forgive me, but I haven’t yet introduced myself,” the old man said. “I’m Father Davis, and I’m the pastor here. Who do I have the honor of entertaining today?”

He held out his hand, and Vee took it to formalize their introduction. “I’m… I’m Vequaniel Bennett. It’s nice to meet you, Father Davis.”

“Vequaniel?” Father Davis asked, tilting his head slightly. “Such a lovely name! You must have had very religious parents, I can’t imagine anyone else picking such an illustrious, if somewhat non-traditional, name.”

“My friends—well, everyone, really—just call me Vee,” she admitted.

The pastor walked around the basin, slowly walking towards the dais at the front of the chapel. A simple nod of his head indicated he was inviting her to walk with him, which she did so without hesitation. “Is that more for their benefit? Or for yours?”

Vee hadn’t expected such a question. Memories resurfaced of her correcting people, going out of her way to approach teachers before class and ask they use her nickname instead of her full name.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Vee,” Father Davis said. “You seem to have something on your mind, that’s all. If you’d like to talk about it, I’m more than happy to lend an ear, but I also understand if you’d rather keep to yourself.”

“I didn’t choose my name,” Vee said quietly as she followed Father Davis around the dais.

“Very few of us do,” the pastor countered.

“True, but few names come with so many strings attached.”

“So, a nickname allowed you space to define yourself?” They now stood near a small table partially hidden from the rest of the chapel, and he slid a stack of papers over to Vee. As she watched, he took a piece of paper and folded it into thirds, making a simple pamphlet that would likely be distributed at their next service.

“I guess… yeah, a little bit. But it never feels like enough, you know? I do everything I can to succeed, to live up to those expectations, and for the most part, it works. I study hard, I practice singing for hours, all that stuff. I was the valedictorian at my high school, and I’ve gotten more vocal performance accolades than any other Sophomore in the history of Aurelius University. But, when the chips are down, when it matters most… I drop the ball.” As she spoke, she mimicked his actions, slowly grabbing sheets of paper and folding them just as Father Davis did. “My family, my parents, my church… they expect a lot from me.”

“Failure is often hard to stomach, especially when our support system places such strong emphasis on avoiding it.” Another paper folded, another pamphlet for the stack.

“But I’m happy I failed!” More tears appeared as she cast her thoughts back to Halloween. To the night she’d tried desperately to kill Amara, only to be brought to the edge of death herself. “If I’d done what was asked of me, it would have been terrible. Failing to live up to those expectations gave me the chance to build a life with someone I love. Someone I… that I almost pushed away.”

“So, if failing this time led to a better life,” Father Davis started, “are you now questioning all the times you avoided failure in the past?”

Vee stared at the table underneath her, pausing her busywork for a moment. “I didn’t choose this life, Father. I didn’t ask to be religious, I didn’t ask for so many people to expect the world from me. What happens to me if I walk away from it all?”

“I can see why that would be scary, Vee,” he said.

“Do you ever question your role here, Father Davis?” Vee asked.

The two locked eyes briefly. “Do you mean my job as pastor? Or the part I play in the greater religion?”

Vee simply laughed, sure that they both understood what she was asking.

“Having faith in something bigger than you is difficult,” he started. “I’ll admit, I sometimes look at all the ways organized religion has been co-opted into a political force and wonder if, on some level, I’m feeding into that.”

“Why keep doing what you’re doing? When so many people are using these beliefs to harm others?”

“Personally? I think people just want to help. Whenever I’m connecting with my community, I see nothing but good. Is that a consequence of where we live? Sure, a bit, but it helps soothe my worries that I might be part of the problem.” Father Davis paused for a moment, looking up at the elaborate tapestry hanging nearby. “I mean, look at us now. Perfect strangers, yet I confess I feel good about myself to lend an ear to someone that needs it. If this religion were innately evil in some way, I don’t think I’d feel that way.”

“What if…” Vee hesitated, scared to finish her thought. “What if you found out the church was wrong? Not evil, per se, but what if they asked you to ignore the people that needed the most help? What if they punished you for defying them and helping anyways?”

“I don’t think I can truthfully answer that,” he said, “and I hope I never discover the answer. All I can say is that, at the end of the day, I have faith in what I’m doing, and what I represent.”

“None of us have all the answers, Vee,” Father Davis continued. “I do my best to help the people around me, but I’ll admit that modern life seems to be moving faster and faster every day. Each year our numbers dwindle, and each year I’m confronted with more and more people your age that simply aren’t religious. Some of them aren’t interested, and some of them have been spurned by other churches in the past. Based on what I’ve heard, I’m sure many of those same churches would accuse me of misrepresenting the word of God through my actions.”

“You, Father?” Vee asked with a sly smile. “I can’t imagine you doing anything ungodly.”

The pastor returned her smile. “It’s all subjective, Vee. In the past, the most devout practitioners of our faith would self-flagellate, but you’ll be hard-pressed to find anyone claiming such a practice is necessary in this day and age. Despite what the worst of us would say, religion is constantly changing and adapting to the times, and I see no reason not to continue that tradition.”

Silence fell between them for several minutes, the only sound the occasional rustling of paper as they both continued working. Vee thought back to her strange dreams, visions from her Patron, then to all the people she’d personally witnessed Amara saving over the last few months. It would be easy to delude herself into thinking Amara was some kind of exception, but she knew that wasn’t the case either. Her mother, Evelyn, despite being Lilith’s firstborn and having a soul just as Damned as the Morningstar himself, was perhaps the most kind and compassionate person Vee had ever met.

“My parents wouldn’t approve of the person I’m dating,” Vee eventually said. “I’m scared to tell them about her, and I genuinely have no idea what they would do if they learned the full truth.”

She met Father Davis’s glance, and he simply smiled with endless kindness, as if the act itself were a show of solidarity. He likely thought Vee had just admitted the root cause of her crisis of faith, and she was happy to let him think she was worried about dating a woman. Surely that was easier than explaining she was dating a literal demon.

“You’re always welcome here, Vee. We actually just revamped much of our literature to be more inclusive to queer communities, though I’m sure you noticed that already.”

Confused, Vee noticed that Father Davis seemed to be indicating the pamphlets they were folding. She’d been so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn’t even bothered examining the papers themselves, and she took the opportunity to do so now.

Flipping through the pamphlet, she saw the logo of the church had been redesigned to include all the colors of the pride flag. A full rainbow, stripes of white, pink, and blue, as well as black and brown, all intertwined with the original logo of the church. On the back page, the pamphlets had information about a donation drive they were running in support of The Trevor Project, but also for counseling services offered by the church themselves.

“That’s… really nice of you, Father,” Vee said, smiling down at the pamphlet in her hands.

“I may not share those experiences myself, but I’m sure some of my hobbies would be frowned upon by the Vatican. Do you know what I’m doing this weekend?” he asked, as if eager to share a devious secret.

“Nothing too scandalous, I hope.”

“I’m going to watch the Royal Rumble with my grandson,” Father Davis chuckled as he spoke. “And, cards on the table, I think I enjoy it more than he does.”

His confession caught Vee off guard, and she found herself laughing with him as they continued working. Despite having come here without a clear purpose, her conversation with Father Davis proved to be incredibly cathartic. There was a surprising amount of joy in sharing some of her issues with someone as deeply religious as a pastor, and having them respond with such kindness.

She spent another hour at the Prince of Peace Lutheran Church, helping Father Davis with various tasks around the building as they continued their conversation. She hadn’t hoped to get any answers for her real problem here, and sure enough, she didn’t find any. The specter of her fading powers loomed large in her thoughts, and on several occasions she felt additional pangs of crisis as she walked by paintings of angels and miracles, but her newfound connection helped ease some of that pain.